Casting Call: Hagar the Horrible

Hagar the Horrible is a popular newspaper comic strip. It follows the misadventures of a Viking bent on pillaging and plundering English villages, as well as his dysfunctional sitcom home life with wife and kids. Never too far behind him is his even more clueless sidekick, Lucky Eddie.


Hagar the Horrible- Zach Galifianakis
Short, round, with a bright orange beard, the visual similarities are undeniable. Zach's energy level mixing equal parts endearing cluelessness and bad tempered personality make him a perfect fit.


Helga- Sarah Rue
Helga is the stereotypical overly-maternal type seen in every sitcom. Sarah Rue's ability to keep up with the comedic jabs but stay constantly reasonable make her the perfect "straight woman" to nag Galifianakis' unruly Hagar.


Lucky Eddie- Dax Shepard
Even more clueless than Hagar, as well as more cowardly, the usually wiry-framed yet equally clueless Dax Shepard could definitely play second banana to Zach.

4 Non-Actors Who Could Be Actors

It is no secret that non-actors slip into movies all the time. Some have even proven to be more successful as actors and have since stayed with it (coughWill Smithcough). But even with a few success stories, when people hear that a non-actor will be appearing in a movie, it does not illicit confidence in the project. To be fair the track record leans towards the negative in the first place, but their are definitely a few non-actors out there who could have very successful film careers.

1. The Rapper
Eminem
Eminem is known mostly for being an incredibly successful yet controversial Caucasian rapper. While finding success, he has also gained a reputation of being egotistical and ill-mannered. Yet he showed some serious charisma and dramatic chops in his 2002 effort, 8 Mile, a film based on his own lift in Detroit. In Funny People, he was also able to lampoon himself, a trait that usually hints at a good sense of humor and humble self-awareness, characteristics not originally associated with Eminem.


2. The Wrestler
Chris Jericho
Wrestlers are always the most suspicious when it comes to film. The Rock could be called the most successful wrestler turned actor, but his talent in my opinion is limited to the light-hearted action-adventurers as seen in The Rundown and Walking Tall, but so far he has leaned on scene-chewing comedic timing and melodramatic acting. Chris Jericho seems to me to have the same kind of presence and charisma of The Rock that helped jumpstart his carreer.


3. The Rockstar
Dave Grohl
When the Foo Fighters agreed to do VH1's "Storytellers." the producers needed to make sure they knew that they needed to talk during their performance. The Foo Fighters' management laughed becuase Grohl has a big personality and is known for talking. A LOT! Grohl has that screen presence and charisma to enter a situation such as filming and knock it out of the park. His appearance in his videos and in Tenacious D's videoes depicts someone with a great sense of humor.


4. The Porn Star
Sasha Grey
Sure Sasha Grey is known for her adult film career, but surprse, surprise, she can actually act. Look no further than The Girlfriend Experience, a Stephen Soderbergh picture, one that is brutally honest portrayal of life. Grey is also a very big cinephile (get your mind out of the gutter, pervert, it means movie lover). She has a love of French film and trippy indie pictures. It means little as far as talent, but there is certainly some passion there.

Review: The Road

Based on a novel by Cormac McCarthy of the same name, Viggo Mortensen plays a desperate father traveling across a barren wasteland that was once the United States trying to protect his child. All of nature is dying. The humans are the last living things. Desperate humans turning to cannibalism and violence stalk the streets. All hope seems gone, but Man and Boy, who's names we never learn, perservere.

The catsatrophe that ends the world is never explained, but the muted colors and decaying landscape leave little to the imagination. The world is literally falling to pieces. The landscapes are so striking, not due to characteristics, but rather the lack of them. Its hard to believe that it once was ever livable. It is by far the most impressive and fear-driven depiction of the end of the world that I have ever seen.

Mortenson and his son, played by Kodi Smit-McPhee, shoulder all of the pathos, not an easy task, but the two perform beyond expectations. Mortensen is a seasoned veteran and there is nothing that surprising at how well he performs, but McPhee is still a rookie, yet he shows such incredible promise. The emotional and physical range necessary for the role is almost unseen in actors that young. Unfortunately the other cast members, Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall, and Garret Dillahunt are barely appear in it. Their roles could only be called cameos. Not that they didn't leave a lasting impression. Their characters showed the tragedy of the world up close and personal to the Man. Theron losing all hope, Duvall's broken down old man, and Dillahunt's desperate criminal paint an incredibly specific picture with little screentime they had. Guy Pearce was most underused. His character was a mystery, but I am not sure if that was the point. He seemed like he was meant to be a glimmer of hop, yet he still felt like an untrustworthy rogue. When it is revealed he had been following the two protagonists from the very beginning, it raises questions as to what his final goal was.

The Road's biggest obstacle is its tone. It is depressing and slow-moving, but not without reason. Everything about the tone goes to building the depression and dread that makes the movie great and makes the glimpses of humanity in the Man and Boy that much more special. But the runtime is pretty long for such a slow-moving picture. It can become very distracting.

The Road is an incredibly dark and depressing post-apocalyptic tale, a dystopia that seems all too realistic. It is a story full of love, hope, horror, and adventure. It is just too bad it feels too much like a chore to watch.

8/10

28 Days Later...and the Zombie Genre

The zombie genre is probably one of the most beloved sub genres in all of cinema. It has spawned some real great pieces, like Night of the Living Dead and Shaun of the Dead, some cult classics, like The Evil Dead series and Re-Animated, and even one bona fide piece of cinematic history, the original Dawn of the Dead. For these very reasons, the internet folk talk about to no end. One such movie that always gets a mention is 28 Days Later... (and sometimes 28 Weeks Later...). And any mention of that will be met with numerous reader comments on how 28 Days Later... is not a zombie movie. But is it?


The biggest evidence against it would be that the plague ridden populace (known as The Infected) are NOT actually zombies. So let's try to define what a zombie is. A zombie is any human reanimated from death and devolved to a primitive state where there primary, if not only, motive is to consume. They lack emotion, personality, and pretty much any other characteristic of the deceased except echoes of memories of their former life that lead them to repeat normal actions albeit purposelessly. They also suffer from rigor mortis, stiffening of the body that happens after death. Thus the slow, shuffle in which pre-Zack Snyder zombies moved.


The Infected are otherwise very different. They are not emotionless. They are full of rage, like an amped up form of rabies. Since they are sick and not dead, they are not held back by rigor mortis. In fact, quite the opposite, they become fairly fast moving and never seem to get exhausted. They definitely have the same penchant to attack, but their is no clear cut implication that they are motivated by hunger.


You would think that the most important element to be considered a zombie movie is to have to include zombies, which the Infected certainly are not, but 28 Days Later... still has most of the same characteristics that have brought so many fans to the sub genre in the first place. In 28 Days Later, the events that ruined London already occurred and out hero, Jim, awakes in a hospital and wanders the streets of an empty, but severely damaged London. It is a frightening image, an empty city. The realization that everyone is gone, even in the early mornings can be pretty creepy. That is one of the biggest sources of fear between both kinda of flick, the fear that no one is there, that you are alone. And not just by yourself, ultimately alone, never to have human companionship again. Zombie movies are really the only ones to effectively depict such a fear. 28 Weeks Later is about the grand reopening of London, that is until they are overwhelmed by the last of the Infected. An uncontrollable enemy hiding behind the faces of neighbors and loved ones is yet another fear device that is used most effectively in zombie movies. How many heroes or victims have hesitated thinking they can talk their zombified friends into consciousness? Too many. In fact, I believe this to be the real defining characteristic of zombie movies. That the enemy is a disease, an enemy you cannot shoot or stab, until it has infected your loved ones and turn them against you.


You might want to say that vampires and werewolves are similar. And they sort of are. But the biggest difference is those two monsters are almost always portrayed with so much more human capabilities than the zombies or infected. The victims' personalities tend to fight the diseases' hard-wiring. Basically, my point is 28 Days Later.... and its sequel have a fundamental difference from the zombie sub genre, but they have so much more in common, is it really necessary to mention how it doesn't count every time it is brought up in a conversation of zombies? Not at all. It has more in common with the zombie movies than the Dawn of the Dead remake or Zombieland which pretty much ignored many of the important aspects of a zombie yet labeled them as such anyway. At least 28 whatever later was honest about what it was accomplishing.

Review: Men Who Stare at Goats

Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) is a down and out journalist. In order to prove his worth as not just a reporter but as a human being, he goes to the Middle East to try and report on some of the dealings going on to do with the current war. Instead, he finds Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) who is an ex-member of secret military organization developing alternative methods of fighting war using superpowers and peace. The two journey into the desert reminiscening about the "good ole days" and the secret mission they currently find themselves on.

The Men Who Stare at Goats is a quirky, nonsensical tale. George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, and Jeff Bridges all perform as one would think. They effortless become these overly-quirky characters so very unlike their uber-cool characters they have known to play. It is part of what makes them great actors. In addition, a lot of the jokes were really superb characterized by great dialog and equally, if not better timing.

Unfortunately, it just does not click. The movie is a plot that never goes anywhere. A greatest hits montage of this movie would probably be one of the best, but at feature length it struggles to find meaning and pacing. While Clooney, Bridges, and Spacey perform admirably, they are definitely on comfortable ground, taking steps back from greater performances they have already achieved. While Ewan McGregor who has proven himself a number of times calls in his performance as possibly one of the blandest characters to ever be put to celluloid.

4/10. I laughed a few times, but it mostly felt like an amateur filmmaker trying desperately to be like the Coen brothers.

Top 10 Jim Carrey Performances

Carrey's newest venture, A Christmas Carol, made with mo-cap connoisseur, Robert Zemeckis, is topping the box office. In it, Jim tackles 4 characters, Scrooge (at each age he appears) and each of the three ghosts. Now, it seems strange to hide his infamous elastic face behind 3-dimensional computer graphics, but everyone knows that there is a lot more to a single performance than that. Jim gets to show off his body language and voice inflection that are equally as good as his crazy face. In honor of Carrey's multiple performance new flick, I have comiled a list of his best performances yet.

10. Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)

Pretty much Carrey's first lead role, he plays a crazy but charming pet detective, a man who dedicated his life to helping people get their pets back. It is one of Carrey's more animated performances for sure.

9. The Cable Guy (The Cable Guy)

An enigmatic, clingy cable guy makes a new friend out of a recent client. He ends up driving his newfound pal crazy and then tries to ruin his life for not being his best friend. It is a seriously demented, but hysterical role. I don't think any of his roles balanced those two characteristics as well as this one.

8. Bruce Nolan (Bruce Almighty)

Bruce Nolan, aka Bruce Almighty, is a struggling news anchor, a modern average joe attempting greatness (in his own way), who is endowed with God's powers after smiting the Lord for not being fair to him. Just like the Cable Guy, this high-concept comedy has Carey balancing outright comedy with a little bit of dramatic acting near the end. The little seed of seriousness that made so many of my favorite comedies great is really well used here.

7. Fletcher Reede (Liar, Liar)

As Reede, Carrey played a lying lawyer who after too many times dissapointing his son loses his ability to lie from a birthday wish. If theres anything better than watching Carrey let loose, it is seeing Carrey let loose but attempting to hold back at the same time. Many times over the course of this movie, I definitely expected Carrey's beat red face to pop off his body.

6. Count Olaf (Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events)

Carrey brings to life a beloved literary villain. A lot like A Christmas Carol, Carrey gets to play multiple roles, expect this time they are alias' of the same man, a greedy relative knocking off other next of kin in order to get custody of some children and their late parent's fortune. One of the more charismatic rogues out there, Carrey's skills are put to the ultimate test letting a few wigs and prothetics become unrecognizable characters.

5. Andy Kaufman (Man on the Moon)

If there was any real person that Jim Carrey should play, with all his dramatic ability, schizophrenic comedic timing, and eleastic-faced presence, it is the ultimate alternative comic, Andy Kaufman. While The Truman Show is the first of his movies that wowed me as an actor, this was what wowed most people I think.

4. Truman Burbank (The Truman Show)

As Truman, Carrey plays a clueless member of a near-utopian society. A gated community somethere in the northeast (i think). What he really is in is a large soundstage in Hollywood where Truman is watched by cameras every waking minute and surrounded by actors posing as his friends and family. A truly nuanced performance by Carrey.

3. Charlie/Hank (Me, Myself, and Irene)

Another movie that puts Carrey's schizophrenic screen presence to good use, this time as two personalities in the same body fighting for control. Carrey effortlessly changes back and forth at the most inoppurtune times.

2. Lloyd Christmas (Dumb and Dumber)

As one of the two dumbest people on Earth, Jim Carrey definitely delivers his most memorable role. Not my persoanl favorite, and not his most successful as far as quality but definitely the funniest. He even took out his own chipped tooth from his childhood. Random, stupid observations have not been delivered with this kind of comedic timing since the Marx brothers.

1. Joel Barish (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is easily Carrey's greatest performance ever. Its more dramatic than Kaufman and more naunced than Truman. It lacks the comedic flare that most of his career would imply, but Carrey surprisingly holds his own against the very talented Tom Wilkinson, Mark Ruffalo, and most talented of all Kate Winslet. This is definitely a movie to see.

Hollywood's "Genius" Marketing Campaign

Hollywood is a fickle industry. Remakes and "safe" pictures flood the market, and originality is sparse. Even when it comes, Hollywood usually puts it in limited release or direct-to-DVD. The audience would probably see it if they could, if it wasn't such a chore to find an actual showing, or if Hollywood suits would happen to actually MARKET the damn things. When I tell people Moon was the best movie this summer, people just say "huh?"

The lengths of stupidity in Hollywood's marketing strategies will never cease to amaze me. Is it really all that better to make a movie look like something that it is not than to just show an excellent movie as it is? Take The Boat that Rocked for example.

The Boat that Rocked is about a motley crew of rock and roll DJs who play radio from a boat in the middle of ocean to the British mainland, where it is pretty much prohibited. The British government than tried to take precautions off the air, most of which prove to be futile. It is very funny with a really fantastic appreciation for classic rock. It also happens to star some of the funnier British actors today. Some spoilers may come up, but I think I give away anything that would ruin the watching experience.



:20 mark
One of the handfull of trailer voice guys says (and I paraphrase) One American DJ (aka The Count) decides to start Pirate Radio to bring rock across the pond. I don't think so. The Count (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) is in fact a replacement for a DJ that had quit from the original crew. Most of the implication is left thinking that Bill Nighy's character is the skipper of the whole endeavor. Also Hoffman is barely the star. The movie is in fact an ensemble. One of the best enesembles since the Ocean 11 movies. How can that not be marketable?

:25 mark
Twatt (played by Jack Davenport) is shown to call The Count the most famous DJ of all time. This is also not true. Twatt was in fact talking about Rhys Ifans' Gavin character, who is the DJ Hoffman's character was replacing.

:36 mark
Nighy than says they should have set sail years ago after the trailer voice implies that this is about their maiden voyage. What actually happens is that the boat is anchored at a specific spot and doesn't move until they were forced to by the government nearing the end of the movie.

And if that wasn't bad enough, they changed the very great title of The Boat that Rocked into Pirate Radio, a cheap generic name, undoubtedly including the term "Pirate" because of the financial success of Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Just lock at the font.

Very similar. Similar enough to suggest a strategy of banking on the success of one on the other.

Hollywood needs to stop chasing the creativity away from the medium. It is hard enough trying to see indie pictures on a regular basis, we do not need all the good movies to go that way. They need to learn how to read numbers. G. I. Joe might have made money, but it was also way more accessible than both Moon and The Hurt Locker.