G. I. Joe is a special branch of the military in cooperation with most countries enlisting the best of the best to fight the most dangerous and violent terrorists. Members Duke and Ripcord join up after a run in with Cobra agents and losing highly advanced nanite weaponry.With fellow members Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and Heavy Duty to take down Cobra and retrieve the lost weaponry.
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra has loads of potential. The "best of the best" soldiers fighting an equally elite technologically advanced terrorist group has summer blockbuster written all over it. Motely crews of action heroes have always gone over pretty well. War movies usually do well and Stallone's Expendables has most cinefiles drooling. Studios get excited for the obvious merchandising and other tie-in attempts at furthering their income. This falls way off the map.
There's a lot of wasted talent among the cast. Christopher Eccelstein and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are very gifted actors, yet their talents are put to no good use as run of the mill world take-over types. Dennis Quaid is given limited time and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Rachel Nichols both prove to be much more talented and in better roles than the leads. Ray Park is given very little to do himself. One of the better movie martial artists becomes half CGI and half showy sword intimidation, but no real impressive fight scenes. This is all given up for the incredibly bland Channing Tatum, annoying Marlon Wayans, and cringeworthy Sienna Miller. I have seen Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, Requeim for a Dream, and Interview. These 3 actors still need work, but they are not as incapable as this movie proves.
The military forces already have truly fantastic weaponry and designs for prototype future tech, yet this movie takes it a step further and makes each of these soldiers look like they are playing with toys more so than weapons. Not so ironic seeing as it is based on a toyline, but the real world wonders are more wonderful than director Stephen Somers would seem to like to admit. Somers love affair with CGI also has to stop. There seems to be almost no reason to even cast humans to act since there was so much computer generation. A specially horrible looking effect that happens when Eccelstein becomes a more recognizable Destro as seen in the toyline made me literally laugh out loud.
I can only describe this movie as corny, cliched, and 'splodey to a Michael Bay degree.
2/10
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